The Real Reason You Are Afraid to Die (Dying is not the problem)
You can’t seem to shake it. This frightening gripping fear.
One moment you are engulfed by the dread of being sucked into the unknown abyss of some “eternity”. The next moment you are mercifully awakened and discover it was just an awful dream.
Feeling helpless, hopeless, confused, and in a panic has become the order of your anxious days. Then at nights, the same nightmare leaves you quivering in the cold sweat that seems to cling to you. Even though you manage to escape the darkness.
If you weren’t so strong you would have fallen into depression already. And you know extreme depression sometimes leads to suicide.
Which is ironic. Because it’s the fear of dying that caused all this problem in the first place.
Not Death itself. That’s just a quiet, even peaceful end to your existence. It’s something else. You don’t know what exactly…
Oh! That’s it! It’s the not knowing that is so scary. So many nagging questions.
Not knowing …what in God’s name I’m going to do…if “something happens to me?” — you don’t even want to use the word… Where do I go? …What happens to my spouse, and children?…
Is it better to go suddenly like Kobe Bryant?… Or should you suffer through “natural causes” and “see it coming”?
It’s just that both those options suck.
And what about all your plans? And those things you have your heart set on doing?
Maybe that’s the real fear, isn’t it?
Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid! Really?
“It is not death itself that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.” — Marcus Aurelius.
My Democratic friends allege that President Donald Trump, on March 18, 2020, made the above statement while talking about the coronavirus pandemic sweeping the US. And how else can someone respond to a statement like, “People are dying today who have never died before” except with a national “Well, duh!”?
It’s obvious to anyone with even a birdbrain. We all know we will die sometime (only once). And it is perfectly natural to have some fear about dying. Let’s face it, no one knows what happens right after that moment… and a whole lot more grave uncertainties.
“A young man arrived at the edge of a small town and saw an old man sitting outside a shop. He said to the old man, “Sir, what’s the death rate around here?” “Where are you from, son?” asked the old man.
“Up north,” the yuppie responded. “I’m looking for a great place to settle that doesn’t have a high death rate.”
The old man looked up from his newspaper. “The death rate is the same here as up north,” he told him quietly, “one per person.”
So how come some people seem to have lost that fear? From daredevils who go sky diving or bungee jumping to your old grandma who welcomed death as if it was her old long-lost friend?
People are ready to die when they have done all that they think they wanted to do. All the adventures, the accomplishments. As well as Your relationships.
Why do they have no fear? Simply, because they have No Regrets.
And isn’t that what troubles you most when you are forced to think about this? You want to have no regrets.
Because, let’s face it, whoever heard of anyone who was happy to die?
Jesus Christ! Oh God Almighty!
That’s not a swear word. I promise. This is the answer to the question of a lifetime. Literally.
Please indulge me for just one moment.
Every religion has theories and beliefs about what adherents to the faith need to do to achieve the Paradise or Nirvana everyone desires after they die. Before each of their deaths, all the founders — Buddha, Hare Krishna, Prophet Mohammed, etc. left no other certainty except the inevitability of everyone’s death.
Christianity, however is different.
Apologist Ravi Zacharias explains that Jesus Christ is the only Founder who gave his life — (died) for his followers. And that’s only the beginning!
In contrast to Buddha, Mohammed, and other founders, Jesus Christ is not in his grave! He actually rose from the dead! The whole Christian religion is founded on an empty tomb! And per the teachings of Jesus, the followers had won a free ride to heaven because of his death and resurrection.
Jesus told his disciples, “Because I live, you shall live also.” (John 14:19). Which meant that they would have a resurrection of their own! Talk about life after death!
Jesus should know. He was not just the only perfect Man who ever lived, he was the Incarnation of God. Because Jesus Christ knew his Resurrection would cancel out his death, was he the only man in all of history who was happy to die!
For the rest of us, fear is a perfectly natural response.
Of Breaths, Better, and Bucket Lists
The fear of death flows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. -Mark Twain
Did You Say Kobe Bryant Was Very Old?
“Old is not a function of how long you live, but actually about when you die. If you will die at 100, you’re still fairly young at 60 or 70. On the other hand, if you will not live past 19, at age 18 you are very old. The thing is we don’t know when our time is. So you can be ‘old’ at any age.” — Dr. Tony Evans, Senior Pastor Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship, Dallas TX at his Wife’s Memorial Service.
No one would have normally referred to Kobe Bryant, 41, his 13-year-old daughter, or any of the other vibrant souls on that fateful helicopter ride that Sunday afternoon in January 2020, as old. After retiring from his illustrious basketball career, with millions of dollars to his name, he was literally on top of the world!
But if he had known, at 40 that he would be dead at 41, how different would he have lived that last year?
Same question we all have to face. What if you were told you had a year to live? A month?
Breaths
“Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away”. — Author Unknown.
This is when what you value most comes sharply into focus. All of a sudden, some things are not so important after all.
- What would you rather get? The latest gadget, or a call from your estranged father?
- Which is more important to visit? The Eiffel Tower, or your dying aunt who was mean to you when you were younger, but now wants to make things right before she goes?
- How is your time better spent? Conquering the next real estate transaction? Or sitting in the stands at your child’s (or nephew’s) little league game?
It makes you wonder what ought to be on that Bucket List.
- Is it now really important that you did not win that argument with your brother? Or sister? Or your spouse?
- Is that money your cousin never paid you back of any value right now?
- Is calling your mom or dad something you need to do at this time, especially since they will not hear your voice again after this?
- Isn’t time spent with your son or daughter, or even a niece or nephew, much more precious in this season of life?
Better
“It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to get permission.” Said Rear Admiral Grace Murray Hopper, former US Naval Officer, and an early computer programmer. Born in 1906, when she passed away in 1992, she had been the oldest serving officer in the United States Navy.
Her philosophy has been the inspiration of many successful individuals who dared to “think out of the box”. Mark Twain is reputed to have said, “At the end of your life you will regret much more the things you did not attempt, than the things you did.”
Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse who spent several years working with patients in the last weeks of their lives, says that these people had regrets like:
- I wish I had followed my passion
- I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings
- I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
- I wish I had let myself be happier
- I wish I had spent more time with the ones I care about and less time on social media.
The message is clear. Whatever the dream or passion in your heart, Go for it.
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.” — Steve Jobs.
Tim McGraw’s Greatest Hit
Tim McGraw’s father Tug McGraw had passed away after a battle with cancer. There was another friend who had been given a misdiagnosis and thought he was dying. But both men remarkably approached their impending deaths with the thought, “It’s time to get busy.”
While talking about them, Tim said to his co-writer, “There’s a song in here somewhere.”
The song became his greatest hit.
“He said, I went skydiving, I went Rocky mountain climbing, I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Manchu… And I loved deeper, and I spoke sweeter, And I gave forgiveness I’d been denying…And he said, “Someday I hope you get the chance to live like you are dying”.
In the end, Relationships is the only thing you will think about. And if you ever have regrets…you can bet your sweet life…
Relationships! A double-splendored thing…
- Someone to love and care about; and using your love, to bring the best out of the people in your world. And, on the other track,
- Someone outside of, and beyond yourself… Someone who gives your existence meaning and purpose…Someone who gives you an anchor through all the ups and downs, and, the joys and the pains, of a full life.
Preview of A Funeral
Excerpt from The 7Habits of Highly Effective People. Stephen Covey.
“You are going to the funeral of a loved one. You drive to the chapel, park the car and get out. You notice the flowers, the soft organ music. You see the faces of friends and family you pass along the way. You feel the sorrow of losing, the joy of having known…
You walk down to the front of the room and look inside the casket…and suddenly come face to face with yourself! This is your funeral, 3 years from today.
You look at the program. There are to be four speakers. First from your family, immediate and also extended. The 2nd speaker is one of your friends. The 3rd speaker is from your work or profession. The 4th is from your church or some community organization where you’ve been involved in service.
Now think deeply. What would you like each of these speakers to say about you and your life?…
Whether it’s your project, your business, or your life, Covey outlines this First important habit of highly effective people — Begin With The End in Mind.
Live Like You Were Dying
When you finally accept that final verdict…that your number is up…your end date is an actual date on the calendar…and you are aware that your heart, like the clock, is ticking…
You will have only 2 dominant thoughts.
- Sad thoughts about The things you Regret not accomplishing.
- And Happy thoughts about great relationships that left you feeling fulfilled.
It’s time to decide. Take action.
What do you want people in every sphere of your life, — loved ones and family, friends, business acquaintances and coworkers, church brothers and sisters, and community members — to say about you?
Imagine your closest and most important relationships reciting the eulogy you write with your life …for those coming behind you to read.
Imagine your life with minimal confusion because everything you do tomorrow was predetermined Today because of those values and priorities that in effect define you.
Imagine the peace and contentment that make your heart glad, because each item on your bucket list brings with its accomplishment a sense of soul fulfillment.
Pull out a piece of paper, a notebook or a journal and begin to write “My Eulogy”. You don’t have to call it that. You only need to include whatever you value most in your life. Those elements that will build the personality and the relationships you want to be remembered for.
And you can keep adding to the list.
Why don’t you share some of those thoughts with the rest of us in the comments below! Please.
One thing is certain. You always and Only live your best life, when You Live Like You Are Dying.
Because You Are!
And doesn’t it make you smile to know that these noble actions you take because you were afraid of dying, will eliminate from you the fear of dying?
